


post str is messed up and i wanna talk about it

by caitlin_uwu



Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: Angst, Domestic, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I just want them to be happy, Kano Centric, M/M, Some Humor, Trying to be normal, at all, not ship heavy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27753418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caitlin_uwu/pseuds/caitlin_uwu
Summary: Things don't automatically go back to normal after August 15th._________________________Somewhat of an epilogue. I'm not super well versed in Kagerou Project lore, so I may have some things wrong!
Relationships: Enomoto Takane | Ene/Kokonose Haruka | Konoha, Kano Shuuya & Kido Tsubomi & Seto Kousuke, Kano Shuuya & Kisaragi Shintaro, Kano Shuuya & Tateyama Ayano, Kano Shuuya/Kisaragi Shintaro, Kido Tsubomi/Kisaragi Momo, Kozakura Marry/Seto Kousuke
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	post str is messed up and i wanna talk about it

**Author's Note:**

> tw for discussion of mental illness and references to violence
> 
> There isn't anything graphic at all, it's just a reference to Ayano and Shintaro's deaths. 
> 
> THIS WILL GET HAPPIER! IT REALLY WILL!

Everything was supposed to be normal again. Not that life ever had been normal, but Kano thought that once everything was over, life would be happy again. There wouldn’t be any more existential fear. There wouldn’t be any more waiting for the end. There wouldn’t be anymore lying. Things could be simple again. He and his friends and family would know how to use their powers. The Mekakushi Dan could disband and just be… friends. Maybe they’d go shopping and not get interrupted by a terrorist attack. Maybe they could go to one of Momo’s colleagues’ concerts. Maybe Kano could get a job, or go to school, or have his first kiss. Maybe, just maybe, things would make sense for once.  
  
Nothing is ever that easy. It was all over. Saeru was gone, Ayano was back, and they were safe. However, Kano couldn’t be free from a lingering feeling of fear. Sometimes, he would toss and turn, unable to sleep until the wee hours of the night. Sometimes, he felt like whenever he saw Ayano or a picture of his father, he needed to run. He felt a tightness gripping at his throat. His face and hands went numb, tingling all over. He wanted to feel secure but it was as if he never could again.  
  
Everyone had their problems after that fateful day. Marie couldn’t hear about violence. She didn’t even want to see Kido jokingly punch Kano. Shintaro couldn’t look at a pair of scissors without mild discomfort and he certainly couldn’t look Ayano in the eyes without even more. The two of them were on good terms now, after all, it had been a few months. And poor Hibiya. He was really messed up. During the short amount of time in which he had to stay in the city with Hiyori, the Dan visited him frequently. He had a hard time going outside. He couldn’t believe that he was free from the seemingly endless loop. Momo tried her best to console and help him, of course, that wasn’t enough. Whenever they took walks, trucks and cats made him flinch or even break into tears. He went back home to the country, but still kept in contact with the Dan. Apparently Momo drives out there to visit sometimes. The only thing different about Kano is that he had been holding in the trauma (that most of the Dan only experienced in one day) for two whole years. He could finally let go, but the ordeal didn’t seem to be over. But at least he could give Ayano a hug.  
  
When Ayano came back, it was like a foreign joy swept over the Dan. The first thing Kano did was run to her and squeeze her as tight as he could. Kido and Seto soon followed suit. It was an embrace full of tears and smiles and giggles. It was joyous. She told them about how much they had grown. She had grown too. She was taller and looked more tired. Her skin was much drier than it was when they last saw her. Ayano always had the most soft and beautiful skin, supple and covered in freckles. Now, it was dry. Her cheeks were tinted red and had the smallest engraved scales. Her hands were rough and calloused, like she had been working her whole life. She asked how many years had gone by and told them how she couldn’t keep track of time in the daze. Two years had passed since she died and it was obvious that many things had changed.  
  
Once the trio finally let her go, she stood up to find friends and strangers. She noticed Takane first. Ayano ran to Takane, full of joy, and clasped her arms around her friend. Takane cried tears of joy (which she would later deny). She found Haruka sitting on the ground, unable to walk, confused and afraid. She sat by his side and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Ayano was always good at that. She could make you feel comfortable and loved with a single gesture. She looked around at the strangers around her, noting each one and looking for more familiar faces. And then she saw him. She clasped her hands over her mouth and slowly walked toward Shintaro. He was sobbing as he walked toward her (with more speed than Kano had ever seen Shintaro use) and grabbed her in a hug. He put his face in the crook of her neck, holding onto her like he was afraid of losing her again. Ayano just held onto him and told him that everything was going to be alright. This was a part of Shintaro that Kano had never seen and, to his surprise (and disgust, in all honesty), made him feel warm inside. It was care. Kano wasn’t sure if Shintaro was truly able to care until that moment.  
  
Kido, Seto, Kano, and Marie still lived in their cozy, little apartment. Ayano moved in with them as well. Although they were safe, the five of them didn’t exactly want to see or bother Kenjirou. It was inevitable, they had to talk, but not yet. Takane and Haruka had seen him though. After August 15th, they didn’t know where to go. Takane couldn’t just come back after two years (and an investigation that assumed she was dead) and live with her grandmother again; that would just give her a heart attack. Haruka didn’t want to live with his father again, plus there was no way he would ever believe such an outlandish story, let alone allow it to excuse his son coming back from the dead. So, with nowhere else to turn, they went to Kenjirou. They were nineteen year old kids with no money, who hadn’t finished high school, and were proclaimed dead or missing by the government. He did kill them after all, so some may say he owed them a favor. So after a quick visit, the two of them secured enough money for each of them to rent an apartment. Shintaro and Momo still lived at home, but now, Shintaro had a job and went out much more. Sure, he was still awkward, weird, and sweaty, but he was doing better. Momo was there for him too. She made an executive decision to use some of the money she saved from her time as an idol to send him to therapy.  
  
Things seemed to be getting easier for everyone except Kano. It was like everyone was moving on, but he was stuck, wading in the past. It consumed him like quicksand; the more he struggled, the tighter it’s grip became. His powers made it easy to hide, but over time, it got harder and harder. He had come clean about everything. He told the Dan what he knew, he told them what he witnessed, what he was told. It smoothed over and he gained sympathy from his friends and family. They asked him how he was doing and if he needed help. Everyone was kind and supportive, so why did everything feel so strange? He tried living a normal life, but it still felt wrong. He had always been emotional, but it was different now. He didn’t have to be strong. He didn’t have to hide. He could actually feel his emotions. That’s what was disturbing. He really felt. Anger toward his dad, discomfort around Takane, even resentment toward Ayano. When he was younger, he held Ayano up on a pedestal, so why did he feel so angry at her? Why did he feel jealous of her? It confused him to no end, but he allowed himself to wait it out. After all, it would go away soon.  
  
One good thing about learning to allow himself to feel was the new friends he made. Some of his friendships were deepened and some new ones were formed. He and Marie became closer after that awful day. She needed normalcy and Kano would be damned if he didn’t give it to her. He tried his best to make her laugh by pulling out horrible dad jokes or even just pretending to fall. Kano was always somewhat of a comedian, but Marie never seemed to understand or find him funny. So when he pulled out his worst joke (“What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef”) and she laughed heartily, Kano felt pride swell in his chest. After such a horrific experience, he made her laugh at a pun. After that, Marie began to open up more around him and Kano made fun of her less and less. Sometimes, the two of them would read together. Marie would be reading a fantasy book or BL manga and Kano would sit by her and ask her to tell him about it. Her face would light up as she explained the story and narrated the book out loud to him. Seto was happy that, even if it took a few years, they finally warmed up to each other.  
  
He and Momo became good friends too. He had liked her from the moment he recruited her, but being able to become her friend outside of the context of a secret organization was wonderful. She was fun and brought a kind of liveliness to a room that made it light up. She was more similar to him than Kido, Seto, and Marie had ever been. They shared a lot of the same interests and even had a similar sense of humor. The pair usually hung out once Momo finished her school day and then caused general chaos. Kano was always a bit afraid of his dad seeing him walking out of the school with Momo, but it hadn’t happened yet. They walked the streets, just talking and, every once in a while, signing autographs. Momo had cut her hair to be much shorter after she quit being an idol, so it was harder to recognize her. Sometimes they did karaoke or painted each other’s nails. Whenever Momo was around, whatever was going on around you turned into a party.  
  
He became close to Shintaro too. It was only two years ago that Kano hated Shintaro’s guts. Rightfully so, in his opinion. After all, Shintaro was a dickhead. He was still a dickhead, but once you got used to him he was much more tolerable. Endearing, even. He became less of a dickhead over time, thank goodness. Kano started to warm up to Shintaro about halfway through his time pretending to be Ayano. He felt that the more time he spent with the boy, the more he grew to like him. At the time, it left him very confused. After all, Shintaro treated his sister so poorly. However, when he talked to Kano, he didn’t seem so bad. Even if he was a tinge likeable in those few weeks Kano spent with him, he was still a total douche. Now, to Kano’s chagrin, the two of them had a lot more in common than he had first thought. They both liked music, they liked playing video games, and on a more serious note, they both had a hard time moving on from Ayano. At some point, they had talked about how they felt like they couldn’t let her be forgotten. They felt pressured to forget her and let go but couldn’t no matter how hard they tried. That was the breaking point. Their mutual annoyance turned into teasing which turned into legitimate friendship. Kano even gave him advice, albeit incredibly awkward, on how to confess his crush on Ayano.  
  
Shintaro talked to Ayano about his feelings around three months after she came back. Kano got the story from both Ayano and Shintaro, with very different feelings behind each. To Kano and, quite frankly, everyone else’s surprise, she turned Shintaro down. She felt like it had been too long and that a relationship between the two of them would only end poorly. In all honesty, her logic made sense. Shintaro seemed to have put her on a pedestal for two years, seeing her as the epitome of goodness. But she’s a person, just like him. He’d be inevitably disappointed in her because she isn’t the fantasy he built in his grieving mind. Kano was kind of happy that she rejected him. She definitely deserved better than Shintaro. When Kano asked Shintaro about his side of the story, it was obvious that Shintaro was really upset. He spent so much of his high school years pining after her and rejecting her friendship out of fear of being hurt. Then, all of a sudden, she died. She just jumped off of a building, with no warning. He really thought that it was his fault. And after all those years of grieving and guilt, she came back. Real, alive, tangible. He had to take his chance. So he did and it failed. Kano felt bad for Shintaro. He seemed understanding, but really crushed. Kano really hoped it wouldn’t get in the way of their friendship.  
  
  
  
And so life went on.


End file.
